silly thoughts

i wonder how it feels to have amnesia. i don’t know if it is close to what i’m feeling right now. there’s this person in my life right now who claims to be a childhood friend but i absolutely have no recollection of him. he told me that we used to play together and go to places together. i’ve been trying to squeeze my brain cells to try to go back to that memory but i really can’t remember that i spent time with him. i even asked my dad if we were childhood friends who used to play together and he just laughed, which means i’m right that we really didn’t know each other back then. his parents are good friends of my parents so i know them but not him. my only recollection of him is when i met him back when i was in high school. he’s been telling me that we’ve been friends for a very long time now but i refuse to believe so. or have i really lost a part of my memories? i definitely hope not.

i just saw "music and lyrics" so i’m writing again about love. wait, before i write about love, i want to write about how i love the movie. i love it because there’s a lot about piano and singing, probably two of my frustrations in life. it’s also very funny. i was laughing for the most part of the movie. it’s also not the usual romantic movie. sophie fisher (drew barrymore) and alex fletcher (hugh grant) got back together because alex wrote a song about his relationship with sophie, which reminded me of a past love. haha.

someone wrote a song for me before. and now, i can’t seem to remember where i placed my copy of that song. i’m very bad. i hope i didn’t lose that precious treasure. anyway, sometimes in chikka, berna brings up love in our conversations. she’d ask if i’ve met the person i think is my true love. i’d tell her yes, i want to believe so. and i also want to believe that someday we’ll find each other again. but it’s been a very long time since i last heard from him. the last thing i heard about him is that he taking up law in boston (about 2 or 3 years ago).

anyway, back to the movie, i have no objections with the movie starring hugh and drew. they were perfect but it’s just that they should have gotten an actor who genuinely knows how to sing and play the piano (someone like hugh laurie, maybe? haha.).

but besides that, the movie was lovely. i might watch it again with a different set of friends:)

"i’ve been watching but the stars refuse to shine, i’ve been searching but i just don’t see the signs"–music and lyrics

last monday, i realized the pain that i don’t ever want to experience in my whole life. my hate for this pain is like my hate for colds. i’d rather cough and cough than sneeze and sneeze or sniff and sniff or blow and blow. as i was saying, i think this pain is the most unbearable pain for me. it’s a stomachache. when i had one last monday, i was shouting and whining in pain. i don’t know what happened but i was just texting a friend when i suddenly experienced the pain. when i told this to my friends, one said that having a toothache is worse. i told her that it wasn’t for me. i can bear with toothache. i had my impacted teeth removed and after the "minor surgery", i didn’t take any pain killers because there was no pain. i also had my wisdom teeth extracted. and again, i didn’t take any pain killers. there was no need. another friend said that the worst pain is heartache. again, it’s not the case with me. i believe that time heals all wounds so heartaches just come and go. but then again, a friend said that i probably haven’t experienced REALLY being heartbroken.

so how do you know if you’ve really been heartbroken? in my case, i think i’ve been heartbroken because when i watch any love story on tv, i see myself as the girl and ‘my guy’ as the guy on tv. i can see the love story on tv as similar to my ‘love story.’

i started watching ‘princess hours’ recently on abs-cbn. it’s one of the few koreanovelas i watch on tv. i really like the story. the episode tonight is when the girl was crying her heart out because her husband kept on hurting her feelings. boy, can i see myself in the story of the girl. anyway, i really don’t want to elaborate that story. it’s the past and there’s no point in going back to a bad past except to make peace with it.

***i didn’t mean to write about "sad love" after writing about "happy love" on valentine’s day. tsk tsk.

after reading ‘what’s in a name’, a friend approached me and asked if the name he calls me is fine with me. he felt that the entry was somehow directed to him because he never calls me by my name. i’m so sorry if i made you feel that way. i absolutely have no problem with you calling me whatever you want. you know where that entry is particularly directed to. so don’t worry about it ok?:)

my favorite event to celebrate after christmas is valentine’s day. i absolutely love it. i love seeing people giving and receiving flowers or chocolates or any sort of gift. i know this might seem mushy and most of my friends tell me that i shouldn’t be that happy on valentine’s day. everyday should be valentine’s day, they say. i agree with them but i also think that like christmas, there should be one day where you celebrate love and be grateful that you are loved. i’m very blessed that my family celebrates the occasion. we just have dinner together. a very simple celebration but a meaningful one for me.

when my sister and i were still kids, valentine’s day was like christmas. during our grade school days, teacher’s day would fall on valentine’s day so we didn’t have class. we’d wake up late and find gifts for us from our parents. i also remember giving my parents cards or trinkets for the occasion. when i got older, i make it a point to wear pink instead of wearing red, to be a little bit subtle in celebrating the occasion. so of course, i wore pink today.

today’s celebration was a little bit different. my sister was not with us. i don’t understand why she’d trade work over time with the family. well, she probably thinks that we can spend time together on another occasion, anyway, i want to take this opportunity to thank the people who made me feel that i’m extra loved. to my very, very, very good friend who treated me to lunch. you never make me pay and i hope in the future, i can repay all the kindness you’ve given me. to chikka, who gave all the girls a rose (the first flower i got for the day) and an mtv unplugged cd (love the cd). to the person who gave me a dozen roses (i’m not sure if he wants his name to be mentioned). your message on the card is also sweet, and it did put a smile on my face. to allen, who never fails to make people happy. thanks again for the special delivery of the rose. last but not the least, to my family, who always laughs when they see that i received flowers from certain people.

to my best friend lianne, this is your day. it’s a hearts day. i hope you had fun with your gb:)

***to true love that lasts forever:)

***i’m such a hopeless romantic. haha

i am very sensitive when it comes to names. i don’t like people calling me with names that i don’t like. to make it clear, i’m called therese at home, at church, by my relatives, and by some family friends. outside that circle, i’m called sandra. so i’ve been known as sandra to all my schoolmates and officemates. i don’t like my schoolmates and officemates calling me therese. they can call me anything, sandy, sands, star, anything, just not therese. i remember one time, a classmate kept on calling me therese. i kept on telling him to stop calling me therese but he continued to do so. so, i started ignoring him. you might say it’s mean, but i guess i find ways to get what i want. finally, he started calling me sandra again and i started talking to him again.

now, i know this girl who keeps on calling me by something i don’t like. we’re not close so i really can’t tell her that i don’t like her calling me that way. all i can do is respond to her in a polite but seemingly unhappy way to send her some hints that i don’t like her calling me by something i don’t like (hint hint, wink wink, nudge nudge).

it’s not that i’m trying to separate my life by having this inside world and outside world. i just got used to being called therese by my family and when i started school, i suddenly became known as sandra. i guess you can say i don’t deal well with changes. haha.

**people should be called by a name that they like right? because i feel that calling a person by a name he likes show respect for the other person. (imagine calling your parents on a first name basis. disaster! (as christine of happy slip would say. haha.)).

***on that note, try visiting www.happyslip.com and watch her vlogs (video blogs). she’s so hilarious. unbelievable.

kelly clarkson’s song ’since u been gone’ is special to me because it brings back memories. not-so-good memories, actually. but don’t worry, i don’t have anything against those memories. it’s special to me because of the lines ‘how come i never hear you say, i just want to be with you, i guess you never felt that way.’ i guess this song can be a song for me of a certain person. there was this guy who liked me before. i went out with him a number of times and one time, he asked me how come i don’t want to spend time with him. i guess he felt that i didn’t like him that much. like what most people say, "kapag ayaw, maraming dahilan, kapag gusto, may paraan." a different guy who was trying to ask me out before told me that saying and i told him that i don’t believe in that saying. it’s not always true. and it’s certainly not true for me. i had this crush before and one time, i finally got to know him because of a common friend. he was always asking me out but circumstances just wouldn’t allow us to be together. until finally, he just stopped asking. so you see, it’s not true that just because you have a lot of reasons, you don’t want to go out with that person. sometimes, it’s just not meant to be.

i recently visited a new starbucks branch. i went there to work on my bap project (for those who are wondering what my bap project is, it’s my deliverable by the end of my internship with chikka). when i got there, there was literally no customer, which was perfect because i could concentrate on my paper without the noisy people around. i was greeted by the guard and all the baristas in the place, probably because they were longing for a customer. and true enough, while one barista got my order, the other talked to me. after spending a few minutes on my paper, the barista who spoke to me earlier approached me. he said that he wants to conduct a coffee taste test. there are no right or wrong answers, but it’s still a test. he said that they conduct the test 3 times a day, and after being a starbucks customer for so many years now, it was my first time to hear and participate of such test. he was telling me that there are 4 steps to enjoy coffee, pretty much like drinking wine. if i remember it right, the first step is to smell the coffee, and then to slurp it and find out what it tastes like, next is to find out which part of the mouth recognizes the taste first, and finally enjoy the coffee. the barista asked a lot of questions and i’m so sorry to say that i wasn’t able to answer them very well. i told him that i’m a hot chocolate drinker, hinting that i won’t be of much help to him if he’s after my opinion. obviously, i still took the test and halfway through it, the manager approached us wanting to hear how we are going about it. and i really couldn’t say much and i had to repeat that i’m a hot chocolate drinker. good thing they changed the topic and asked which branch i usually go to. after the test, the barista gave me the rest of the coffee in the coffee press, which was almost a cup. and again, i’m not a coffee drinker. coffee makes me sleep. hot chocolate keeps me awake. and i try not to drink coffee because it dries the skin. but of course, i’m very grateful to them. they were very kind to me. my friend said that everyone’s extra kind to me because i always smile, especially when i talk. if they interviewed my sister about the coffee, she would’ve been very helpful to them.